We Got Used to Us
by CDR Sheridan
Summary: One-shot. Kaidan doesn't want to return on the Normandy after Cerberus coup.


_We pretend we're ok_  
><em>By filling up our inner space<em>  
><em>With little hates<em>  
><em>And so-called love<em>  
>Riverside, «We Got Used To Us»<p>

Kaidan was sitting on the bench and obviously reading something on his datapad, when Shepard spotted him. She thought for a while then approached the biotic.

"Hey," she said, trying to sound casual. "How are you doing?"

Alenko startled with surprise as he was deep in his thoughts and raised his head.

"Fine, thanks," he answered rather dryly. "Why are you here?"

Shepard shrugged.

"The same as always. Just walking through the Citadel to the Normandy, waiting for somebody to ask for my help. Well, I accidentally noticed you.

What is it?" she nodded toward the datapad in Alenko's hands.

"Searching for my students," Kaidan answered wearily, not going into the details.

Commander sat down on the bench, not too close to Major though.

"EDI can help you with that, you know." She suggested. "If you-"

"No, I won't come back," he said firmly, even harsher than he initially wanted. «Don't take me wrong, I'm grateful for the offer, but I already have another assignment. Ma'am. I will be leaving the Citadel this time tomorrow."

"Bullshit," Shepard said, "my word and Admiral Hackett would gladly -"

"And still no," Kaidan interrupted. He frowned and put the datapad aside. He got a feeling it would be a long conversation.

There was a surprised look on Shepard's face. In her opinion, serving on the Normandy was a great opportunity, one simply could not put aside. And Kaidan just had done that. For the second time.

"Sher, why are you asking me about this again? Everything had already been said." Kaidan wondered.

"Feeling offended after the Udina episode, am I right?" Shepard suggested. She leant on the bench, staring at Major.

"I outgrew offensive game long ago," he shook his head. "Anyway, it was not a kind of the situation to take offense."

"Then - "

"I cannot trust you, and you cannot trust me," Kaidan concluded. "As simple as that. Besides, as far as I know, you have enough people on board, why do you want to take me?"

"You are a good soldier. I-We need you. You told me once there was something between us." She added abruptly.

There was a long pause.

"Maybe," Kaidan didn't object. "Or maybe I wanted to think that way. A lot had happened."

"You are still mad about Cerberus," she sighed. "Listen, Kaidan, I had no choice. They rebuilded me, gave me a life."

"And you even didn't let me know that you were alive. I suppose I wasn't that important to you."

"Look, I'm..." Shepard didn't continue. Anyway, Kaidan was sure she wouldn't apologize. "Do you remember how it all had begun?" Shepard asked suddenly.

There was a faint smile on Kaidan's face.

"Vividly. Also, I am not sure it would be possible under the different circumstances."

"How so?"

"I mean we had met aboard the brand new ship, there was a threat, uniting our crew, this chasing Saren thing... Even Ashly's death," Kaidan shrugged. "All right. There was a lot of stress, we needed each other - to talk, to wear off stress... Besides, there wasn't anybody else on the ship to flirt with."

"I am not so sure. Liara?"

"She is nice, I must admit." Kaidan nodded. "Also, quite shy. And you... You were very different. Jackanapes. The first human Spectre, saviour of the Citadel and so on. Besides, you were my commanding officer - that added some extreme to our relationship, didn't it? Though who cared? We broke so many regulations."

"It also was a lot of fun," Shepard murmured. "We can repeat this".

Kaidan shook his head.

"Back then, when it all had begun it was about a new acquaintanceship, working under stress, casual sex... I was spectacular if I remember right. Dammit, Shepard, I don't take this kind of things lightly! I really loved you! You cheated on me - okay, I can understand that. But tell me, would you really shoot me, if I didn't step aside?"

"Kaidan, what's the point to talk about possibilities?"

"And here we go about trust."

"You should forget it. Besides, who cares about Udina?"

"Sometimes things like this do matter, Sher." Kaidan sighed.

"If you want to know I don't care whether you pointed your gun at me or not."

"I am afraid I would not care too, if I go with you," Kaidan stated." This is over. To be exact, it had been over long ago. Just admit that we didn't promise anything to each other. Hell, we didn't make any plans rather than a joint shore leave. I'm sorry. It's just too bad."

"Too bad." Shepard rose up and glanced at him for one more time. "I should get back to the Normandy."

"Of course, Commander." He said, nodding.

"Maybe, when this is over, we will meet again." Shepard suggested.

Kaidan didn't answer. They both knew this was not going to happen.

**A/N: Sorry for my English.**

**Some reviews would be nice =)**


End file.
